Certain Signs of Spring

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March 14, 2020

I’ve freed the first starling from a downspout, the hens have resumed laying, the peepers are loud at night, the horses are leaning over the field fences for that sweet, green grass on the lawn side. Yes, readers, spring is here. We actually didn’t have much of a winter here; most of our snow and the coldest days occurred in November rather than January and February. I will take full credit for the mild winter, as I believe the mild temperatures are attributable to the fact that I laid in a good supply of firewood at the end of November. It did get cold enough to make me look like an ass to the horses when their trough froze over because I couldn’t find the heater. I pulled it last spring and put it . . . you guessed it . . . in a very safe place. I’m sure I’ll come across it in July or so.

Spring won’t really have arrived until the sparrows begin invading our chimney and getting trapped in the woodstove. Nothing like waking up to the sounds of “thrash, thrash, flutter, thump,” I’ll tell you what. Fortunately, Dr. Evil and I have perfected the choreography of Freeing the Sparrows: cat goes in a closed room, I open windows and doors downstairs, Dr. Evil does the same upstairs, then stand to the side of the stove and open the door. Oh, how the hijinx do ensue.

This year the starlings have given us a new treat: getting caught in the attic space. They have been flocking to (heh, get it? flocking?) a vent on the tall side of the house, directly over the outside stairs to the basement, which renders it effectively—hmm, lemme do some calculations . . . two thousand feet off the ground—such that even if I had a ladder that would reach such great heights, there’s no way I would climb that sumbitch. Lately, I’ve seen some fiberglass insulation strewn across the side yard, which is weird, because our house has either rigid foam or cellulose insulation. Puzzling, until I receive this series of text messages from Dr. Evil:

All that insulation? They weren’t nesting in the vent, they were plucking insulation from the vent pipe, and I guess they plucked a little too much and ::thud:: one fell through the hole and got stuck in the attic space. Bats in the belfry got nuthin on starling in the attic. We need to learn a new choreography for this event, because it wasn’t nearly as smooth. Or, I guess I could put some mesh on the vent opening, but where’s the fun in that?

One last bird story before I post this avian anthology. You may recall that we lost hens to skunks and a raccoon last year. In a stunning display of revenge, he remaining two got all kindsa medieval on a mouse that dared enter their run. I was checking on them the other morning and saw a small gray bit amongst the ground litter, and sure enough, my girls did a tap dance all over intruding Jerry. I thought about putting his head on a tiny pike as a warning to others but opted not to.

That’s it for now.

So How About This Coronavirus?

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March 12, 2020

I guess all those kooky preppers might have had a point after all, huh? Here at the farm, we’re somewhat prepared to hunker down, with our weak point being beer. I’ve tried to talk Dr. Evil into purchasing a couple kegs, but she’s not buying it.

Seriously, we keep a reasonable amount of dried goods on hand, and a fairly chaotic mix of frozen proteins and various canned goods, but it’s mostly aimed at having fixins for chili on a random Thursday, not strategic planning. (Requisite Fritos are another matter.)

Today (Thursday), our governor announced that K-12 schools would be closed for three weeks, and that public gatherings of over 100 people would be unlawful. Friday is my usual shopping day, so I’ll be interested to see how the shelves look tomorrow.

Tell me, friends, what would you put in your cart tomorrow?

Mah Storeez

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February 27, 2020

In the evening, I like to listen to All Things Considered on NPR, and this year it has at times been very difficult to do so. The impeachment hearings for Trump pre-empted Mah Storeez several times over a few weeks, and I usually listened to the hearings without too much complaint. Yesterday, however, Trump decided to address the nation on the subject of the threat of the coronavirus (or, in Trumpland “carona”). Readers, I tried, but upon learning that Mike Pence is going to be the government’s point man on this pandemic, I had to turn it off, lest I recall Pence’s earlier efforts on the disease front and public health.

Instead, I replayed for Dr. Evil’s benefit a Gravy podcast that I’d listened to earlier in the day. It’s an outstanding story by Appalachian author Robert Gipe, and I am re-posting it here for your listening pleasure. If you have 25 minutes or so, please give it a listen.

Passings

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February 17, 2020

Today I learned that two people died. One, I’d met in passing, only a few times, and many years ago. The other, I’d never met, and I only knew him from his writings. The humanity of both was evident, even considering these limitations.

Still, I know that many people are hurting from an up-close, personal loss. Because I love those people, I also hurt.

RIP NHL and CMP.

So, what’s new?

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February 10, 2020

If I wait a few more weeks, I could write a post celebrating a year away from this site. Yeah, I’m going to go ahead and screw that up too. I thought about pulling the plug on Surly Farmer, but the hosting company auto-renewed the subscription, so as long as the money’s been spent, I guess I’ll keep posting at least until the next renewal.

Not much has changed on the farm. Both horses are doing well. Puck is fully grown now, but still a fairly small cat. We lost another hen in July, this time to a raccoon. I avenged her death the next night when the trash panda came back for a second course. In May the skunk population shrunk here in out corner of the county. Mama Skunk, killer of the hens in February, chose our hay shed as the perfect place to birth her brood. That wasn’t a good idea. [Pregnant pause for the Reader to connect the dots] I hated to do it, but they’re my chickens, man. Anyway, we’re down to two hens, but they are getting spoiled rotten.

Dr. Evil managed to snag a month-long trip to France with her folks, spending November tumbling around the country, based out of two gîtes, one in Albi and the other . . . well, somewhere else that I can’t recall. Dr. Evil’s parents are enamored of France, and while her father is happy to spend weeks there, her mother (a bit of a workaholic) is more comfortable with the ten-day version. Remote working has its benefits; Dr. Evil was able to attend to her work via computer and crafty phone call scheduling so as to only need to burn a little leave time, yet spend a month among the Gauls. Her mother joined their trip in progress, and everyone was happy. I got a t-shirt (which, combined with Dr. Evil’s homecoming made me happy).

We had a bumper crop (harvest?) of apples this autumn, which went right down the toilet, 1) when I started picking apples, only to find that crows had been pecking into many of the fruit, rendering them useless (unless, of course, you take the perspective of the wasp which takes advantage of the holes drilled by the crows), then, 2) after bringing in the remaining harvest and storing it in the basement prior to processing (juicing/dehydrating) and finding that the old saw of “one rotten apple spoils the barrel” is indeed true. The saw fails to mention that in addition to spoiled apples, you will also face a fruit fly problem. I got very proficient at catching fruit flies. You know that other maxim, “You’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”? Well, it totally ignores the fact that LOTS of flies prefer vinegar. Write it down.

And with that, I’ll close. I hope someone out there is still reading.

Seeing the Elephant

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April 2, 2019

Well friends, it happened. Dr. Evil needed some postal supplies and just like that, we were headed to the Dollar General; no planning, no debate, just off and running.

And it was everything that had been promised and more! The day’s haul:

  • Mailer
  • Cashews (on sale)
  • Novelty drinks
  • Bounce dryer sheets
  • A mandala coloring book
  • Crayola (yeah, name brand, yo!) colored pencils
  • Egg noodles

All for around $20. Sorry, Family Dollar, I think we’re breaking up.

Dick Dale: Guitar Hero, Canary in Coalmine

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March 20, 2019

You will have probably heard about the recent death of famed Surf Guitarist Dick Dale, and in the short description of his life and times, it was probably included that he continued performing, right to the end. Cool, eh?

Not so much. Dale kept touring because he had to to survive, literally. From the Pittsburgh City Paper in July 2015 comes this:

“I can’t stop touring because I will die,” Dale says. And he’s not saying that as the long-time performer who can’t give up the spotlight and the intoxicating adoration of his fans. Rather, he emphasizes, “Physically and literally, I will die.”

He’s not kidding or overstating. Dale isn’t about to drive cross-country with his wife, Lana — herself in chronic pain due to multiple sclerosis — because he craves money to live high on the hog. He’s doing it to pay for medical patches and pouches so he can change his colostomy bag more frequently than insurance will allow.

“I have to raise $3,000 every month to pay for the medical supplies I need to stay alive, and that’s on top of the insurance that I pay for,” Dale explains. “The hospital says change your patch once a week. No! If you don’t change that patch two times a day, the fecal matter eats through your flesh and causes the nerves to rot and they turn black, and the pain is so excruciating that you can’t let anything touch it. That has happened to me because I was following the orders of the hospital.”

They’ve also told him it’s OK to wash out and reuse the bags, but Dale says that the bacteria has nearly killed him and he won’t risk it. Because despite the pain, he’s a man who still loves life and wants to keep on living it — even if that means taxing and stressing his body to the outer limits.

“Sure, I’d love to stay home and build ships in a bottle and spend time with my wife in Hawaii, but I have to perform to save my life,” he says. “I’ve been living like this for the past 15 years, but I’m still here and opening my eyes each morning.”

This cannot be the way things are supposed to be in the wealthiest nation on earth.

About Those Dollar Stores

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March 18, 2019

I recently posted about a new Dollar General store encroaching on the local Family Dollar here in Albany. It turns out there’s more to the story.

Sometime during the Great Recession, Family Dollar and Dollar General each made opposite decisions about how to survive in a financial downturn. Family Dollar (and its parent company Dollar Tree) opted to stay with the everything-costs-a-dollar (or so) model, while Dollar General decided to cast itself as a mini Walmart Super Center, dollar limits be damned. This left Family Dollar selling cheap seasonal crap and odd-sized and odd-provenanced packaged food items—two serving breakfast cereals and marshmallows from India, for example.

It appears that Dollar General chose the better option; Family Dollar is planning to close some 400 of its stores, and rebrand some as Dollar Trees. What will happen with our little store, I wonder? We’ll see. In the meantime, I’m going to check out that fancy Dollar General to see if it could replace at least some trips all the way into town and the dastardly Kroger.

There’s Cynicism, Then There’s Whatever This Is

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March 14, 2019

West Virginia lawmakers were considering amending or implementing water pollution standards in January when they invited a member of the business community to testify.

Outgoing Cabell County Delegate Kelli Sobonya, a Republican who was chair of the House rule-making review committee, called on Rebecca McPhail, president of the West Virginia Manufacturers Association, to speak.

“We do have some concerns among our membership,” McPhail said, before telling lawmakers that they wanted the DEP to consider that West Virginians drink less water, eat less fish and are heavier than the national average. She also said she had concerns about accuracy when testing for low levels of pollutants.

Yep, you read that correctly: Because West Virginians already have health problems, there’s really no reason to enact more stringent pollution rules.

McPhail? More like McFail.